Something New

I am an exciting person,well I like to think that and I will until I get tired of it and start acting differently.

Well sorry, I have been... I don't know where really. I've been everywhere and anywhere! :P Buuut that's ok. I don't feel like writing something deep today. I feel like being giddy and happy. O.o lol well I'll get something soon. Let me rest. haha Well lately I've had so much homework, it's like nasty! O.O Stuuupid PHYSICS! Oh well let me have a week... Eeek! it's almost finals!!

Alright, well I have a paper to write about gum in hair. Woohoo... this sucks. Oh well thanks for listening! :)

SamQ

A Home Away From Home

Call me what you want, but I'm not going home. I don't wanna go home something there just is'nt right something is wrong in everywhich way I look at it. I will stay here until I feel home will be a good place. A good place for me to stay. Not far of course, not alone as well a place where people flow in and out, at a constant rate except for me. I leave to class, and return to watch the people pass and go to another place and still I am sure that they will return they always do. Unless something wrong and terrible has happened and caused a riot. An uproar, in this calm and peaceful place.

That place that I call home seems so distant. As though it is a million miles away and to return I must walk. A walk that would tear the soles of my feet causing unwanted blisters and pain. Such a painful way to go. Why won't the people who love me deep within their hearts come to take me from this place, take me so I won't go to a place that I feared, but take me to a place that was warm, and inviteing. Not filled with the constant screams and cries from children. Why must things be so hard to live with in such conditions. Will I be able to stand all the: pain, fighting, anger?

Shall I return to that place I call home only to be sent back to where I came? I have no choice. For still it is my home.

Voices in my head

Screaming in my ears

A lot of the time I think that it's just a dumb song stuck in my head, because of the loud screaming music that I do in fact listen to. Yet this is not a mesh of voices screaming at me it is one single voice yelling and franticly thrashing about in my head. Somehow it doesn’t burst out and create a mess around the world. Somehow it stays combined into my head screaming yelling until I crawl into the fetal position and turn into a ball of fury trying to silence that single scream. What is going to happen when I understand what that voice is saying? Will I allow it to keep up the rising volume or will I just stop living all together. Will I stop and just sob until I fall into a pitch black dream of silence or will I just do nothing and go along as though nothing major has ever occurred and I am fine all out fine? That constant sound rings almost as though it were a tune dancing in my ear teasing and scratching at the making sense or not.

You see, if only I could show you how this ringing of constant screams, maybe this might make sense, but as of right now nothing seems to come to mind on how to show you.

I know I haven't been on in what seems like forever. But um now that schools out I have all of summer to do my thinking and writing projects or whatever anyway i hope you liked it but if not I don't care!!!!!!! you don't faze me :P

D-o-A

To Cry Alone

All by myself. Really that's the only way for me to be able to cry, all alone. Most of the time I sit upon the pink and black bedspread of mine and use my hands as a personal face shield. The shield keeps away the world of both hurt and reality. They hide me from what I fear. Most of the time I don't fear yet there is that time that I feel is a silent creeper on my life taking away my pleasant disposition and replacing it with an angry, sad and miserable young person.

How? A common asked question by both me and many others. I don't know. Eyes creeping their way across a room to spot me with tears dripping out of my eyes, in soft silent sobs. It's something that causes me stress that is unfair. I to love to know what am happening around me and yet I don't feel that it's okay to cry with my whole heart in front of people. Yes I do let tears fall, but alone is where they resign in comfort.

Am I making any such since to you? I hope I am yet some are not sure of what I mean. Most of the time they are not sure and I hope that if reading this you might just maybe understand.

So how was that my readers hopefully both new and old? Tell the truth I'm a big girl.

Taking Time To Veiw Images of Life and Death

All the things that rush to my mind as I type such a title,

Well truth is I don't know I really hope that something with such a title might grasp the attention of the public. I am lost at all the tough things that run through my mind. I try really quite hard to stop myself from doing such irresistable things. Things that make me numb both physically and mentally. Things that cause my fingers to shake and breath to quake. I know you are dying to hear just what exactly I am talking about. I am sitting here shaking slightly dying to tell you.

Those thin red lines that settle upon my wrist. The creation of them is tossing in my mind. Shall I commit that sin I am dying to do. Shall I slice away as though cutting leather. Shall I??

An image creeping into my mind. It settles so content knowing where it is and what it is doing just there. That image of cold tile and a lifeless body oh such things. Such things upon a mind so blank. Why do I even think such things are going to be around me?



For everyone new to my work which is all of you I just want you to know that my paragraphs all tie together and I change the subject quite often. Usually that's why I place paragraphs.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.
D-o-A